You know what tastes good? Cake. You know what tastes even better than cake? FREE CAKE!
We get spammed senseless with free cake requests and discounts etc ranging from the innocent and harmless, example for charities (which while we cannot say yes to all the time but we do what we can) to laugh-out-loud silly and unbelievably entitled from large brands and "celebrities".
As the requests get bolder and more ridiculous I've started sharing some of them on our Instagram to which I've been getting an immense response - fellow bakers and various small business owners ranging from photographers, musicians, designers, and hair and make-up artists, to even members of the general public who are completely surprised that this practice even goes ON. I've even created a handy flowchart for "influencers" on the hunt for freebies.
So I thought I'd start a compilation of my most ridiculous enquiries. Some of them to which I have responded to as well...just for giggles.
1. Celebrity Birthday Cake! For a MEGA STAR.
So mega that they can't buy a cake with cash. We passed on this. Duh. But I cried buckets when I saw someone actually created a beautiful two-tiered Unicorn birthday cake for this event gratis. I cried because I missed out on such mega exposure bucks. I'm kidding. I cried because when celebs can't afford cakes, we know we're properly heading into austerity...
2. Emoji Cake for Hot Shot Guests
You'll be pleased to know I did respond to this.
"Hi xxxxxxxx,
Your email upset me, even if you did not intend for it to.
It upset me because I too have expensive tastes and I could never go to Alexander McQueen for a handbag I really want but couldn't afford, and ask for it free or discounted, in exchange of a thank you of potentially carrying it in front of my VIP friends, ones with extremely deep pockets and similar expensive tastes. I can't be anything but blunt but that is how I have translated your request.
I hope you can see my point of view. In any case we are fully booked for your date.
Regards,
Reshmi"
She seemed nice-ish enough in her enquiry, if a bit guilt trippy, but probably had no idea how such emails comes across to the other side. Hope she does now!
3. X-Factor Loser Birthday
I repeat...I'm NOT PEGGY. Oh dear...if you're going to blag a freebie, at least get the addressee right. I don't even know who won the X-Factor, let alone lost. Also, dare I ask which illustrious press will be covering this prestigious event?? Oh wait...none.
4. Non-Exposure Bucks
You heard me...non-exposure bucks. JUST to tempt slebs in their dressing gowns. Besides, aren't most slebs petrified of gluten, sugar, anything that remotely bloats before any public appearance?? This sounds like intentional torture to me.
5. Free Advertising at Weddings
Me: "I'm really sorry to disappoint but we actually charge a supplement fee on rush orders, the Royal Mail postman will not be accepting any payments on our behalf and more importantly, we pay our taxes. If everyone did the same perhaps the economy might be better. Also, as your enquiry is borderline insulting we have no capacity for your non-bulk order now or ever."
Bride: "Your email is RUDE!!! I am trying to do a favour for small business like yours and it is illegal to not sell for this reason I am going to report you to police for this illegal reply!!! And also write on Twitter and Facebook and Google."
*Bracing myself for internet police and review onslaught*
Sometimes, you can only laugh!
I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did recounting how strange and wonderful the world of freebie blagging is. If you fancy buying cake, head this way.
Lots of love,
Reshmi xoxo
Matt
April 11, 2022
Hey fellow rslash viewers. I too came here for this treasure trove of content. A few of these beggars made me laugh waaay too much.